ANXIETY: FRIEND OR FOE?
As Mental Health Awareness Month shines a spotlight on anxiety, I feel compelled to share more details about my own personal battle with this invisible adversary. For too long, I have grappled with its grip, navigating the ups and downs of my inner world while masking the turmoil beneath a facade of perfectionism and smiles. But now, I feel that it is important to lift the mask and celebrate who I am. Friend or foe, the anxiety is part of me. Part of me that I continue to learn more about daily. Part of me that I no longer wish to hide but wish for others to know and to understand. Part of me that I am growing to accept and support. Here is my story…
My journey with anxiety traces back to early childhood, where symptoms manifested in subtle yet significant ways. Looking back now, I realise that the hours I spent retreating to the solitude of my bedroom, the countless nights spent wrestling with sleeplessness and the battles my poor parents faced with me being unbearably fussy with foods, were in fact manifestations of my anxiety. Not yet known. Not yet understood. Not only that, but emotional meltdowns became a familiar companion, amplifying the significance of trivial matters and sending me spiralling into despair. On multiple occasions I even threatened, and often did, ‘leave home’, before returning mere hours later exhausted of emotion with my tail between my legs. Like I said, my poor parents. But that was me. An unsure, out of control adolescent, who did not understand herself, her emotions, or how to deal with everything that was going on in her busy mind.
And it wasn’t until later, in my teenage years, that fuelled by the combination of exam stress, social pressures, and discord at home, the anxiety reached a boiling point. In a moment of desperation, my need for control led me to self-harm as a fleeting escape from the overwhelming emotions that threatened to consume me. Terrified by my own actions, and with the scars on my arms screaming at me daily, I knew I needed help and I turned to my mum, who guided me to seek professional support. Therapy, which truly set the stage for my onward journey toward mental well-being. But this was just the start.
Transitioning into adulthood then brought its own set of challenges, as I grappled with the weight of societal expectations and the burden of carving out my own path. University, though I loved my course and came away with a few incredibly close friends, it didn’t quite meet my expectations and in many ways, I wondered whether I had failed myself in not embracing the opportunity fully. So, I continued to push on and chased happiness through achievements.
Sadly, despite checking off all the material boxes of success—first-class university degree, master’s degree, vocational career, home ownership and more—I found myself drowning in a sea of burnout and disillusionment. This was the time I would say that I hit rock bottom, unable to function in the simplest of tasks. I vividly recall driving home from work one day, only to realise I had left my coat with my house keys behind. Stranded outside my own home, my mind failed me, unable to problem-solve or even ask for help. I sat for hours, paralysed by fear and uncertainty, doubting my abilities as a teacher, a friend, daughter, and girlfriend, and overwhelmed by the fear of disappointing others (literally anyone and everyone).
The cracks in my facade were widening, and I felt increasingly detached from my social circle, unable to share the overwhelming weight I carried for fear of rejection. Then, in a moment of vulnerability, a simple question from someone kind and unaware shattered my defences: "Are you okay?" It was as if those three words unlocked a floodgate of emotion. I found myself standing in front of a photocopier, lost in my thoughts, unaware of the passing time. In that moment, I cracked. I cried. I spiralled into a panic. It was then that others stepped in, taking control of what I couldn't. This was the wake-up call that prompted me to seek medical support – which led to a diagnosis of General Anxiety Disorder and Depression, and led to me exploring solace in therapy, and cognitive-behavioural techniques. Though I was offered medication, I chose natural coping mechanisms instead. A personal choice.
Through trial and error, I discovered a repertoire of strategies to soothe my restless mind and nourish my soul. Whether it's engaging in physical activities like sports and Pilates or immersing myself in creative pursuits like baking and painting, I have slowly learned to channel my anxious energy into productive outlets. Dancing in the shower, savouring meals with loved ones, and relishing the simple joys of life have become my anchors in the storm of emotions.
Yet, my journey towards mental well-being is far from linear. Each day brings its own set of challenges, demanding flexibility, and self-compassion in equal measure. Now, instead of harming my body I help it. Instead of shying away from my emotions, I have learned to embrace them as an integral part of my humanity, recognising that vulnerability is not a weakness but a testament to our shared experience.
In fact, throughout my journey what I have come to realise is that is that the anxious energy I once feared is, in fact, my superpower. It is the driving force that propels me forward, pushing me to excel in every aspect of my life. When I set my mind to something, I pursue it with unwavering determination until I achieve my targets. This innate drive has been the cornerstone of my success, paving the way for academic achievements like straight A grades in school, a first-class honours degree at university, and the discipline to save effectively, enabling me to purchase my first home.
Even in my career, where the stakes are high and the demands relentless, my anxious energy has become a catalyst for growth and advancement. It fuels my dedication to my job, pushing me to strive for excellence every day and continually seek opportunities for professional development. It is this relentless pursuit of improvement that has propelled me to pursue a master's degree in education and to progress steadily in my career.
While anxiety can often feel like a burden, I've come to view it as a powerful ally—one that fuels my ambition, sharpens my focus, and drives me to surpass my own limitations. It is a reminder that even in the darkest moments, there is a flicker of strength waiting to be harnessed. So, instead of allowing anxiety to hold me back, I choose to harness its energy, transforming it into a force for growth and achievement. In doing so, I have learned that success isn't just about overcoming obstacles—it's about embracing the unique qualities that make us who we are and using them to carve out our own path to greatness.
However, this is a double-edged sword because, while harnessing my anxious energy as a superpower has propelled me to great heights, it is equally important to find balance in this ongoing battle. Recognising the moments when I need to hit pause, knowing when to let go, and prioritising self-care over the relentless pursuit of goals are crucial elements of maintaining my well-being.
In the relentless pursuit of success, it's easy to become consumed by the drive to achieve, pushing aside our own needs in favour of progress. However, I have learned that true success is not just about reaching the finish line—it's about the journey along the way. It's about recognising the moments of stillness, the opportunities for reflection, and the importance of nurturing our mental and emotional well-being.
For me, finding balance means taking the time to recharge, to indulge in self-care practices that nourish my soul and replenish my spirit. Whether it's spending time with loved ones, immersing myself in a favourite hobby, or simply allowing myself to rest and recharge, I've come to recognise the value of prioritising my own well-being above all else.
Amid life's chaos, it's easy to lose sight of ourselves amidst the pursuit of success. But by finding balance, by recognising the moments when we need to pause and prioritise our own needs, we can navigate the challenges of anxiety with grace and resilience. After all, true success is not just about what we achieve—it is about how we journey through life, honouring ourselves along the way.
In my personal mental health journey, I have experienced the silence and stigma that once shrouded this topic. Growing up mental health issues were not openly recognised or discussed so I have made it my mission to change this narrative. Through writing children's books about mental health and conducting educational workshops I hope to support the next generation. By starting these conversations early, we hope to provide understanding and simple strategies for children to support their well-being journey, fostering empathy and resilience.
In today's digital age, it feels even more prevalent to improve conversations and support access for young people. Today, children and teenagers face relentless pressure and scrutiny online, exacerbating anxiety and contributing to mental health issues like depression and cyberbullying. And I honestly feel thankful I did not have to navigate those challenges during my formative years. This is why, as part of our mission, Just Bee Creative promotes positive digital literacy and fosters healthy offline relationships to help young people navigate the digital landscape with resilience and seek support if they find themselves drowning. Our work truly aims to create a culture where mental health is openly acknowledged and accepted, laying the foundation for a brighter, more resilient future for generations to come.
Therefore, as Mental Health Awareness Month unfolds, I urge others to speak their truth, to own their stories, and to extend the same kindness and support to themselves that they would readily offer to others. In a world that often prizes stoicism over vulnerability, let us remember that self-love is the cornerstone of self-care, and that it's okay not to be okay. In sharing my journey with anxiety, I hope to shed light on the silent struggles many face and to offer hope and understanding to those navigating similar paths. May my words serve as a beacon of hope, reminding you that you are not alone and that brighter days lie ahead.
With love,
Amelia x
